Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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