Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
