If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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