What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
