For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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