The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize