Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
