i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
