i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
