On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
