need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
