im drinking this country out of the recession.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
