and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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