hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You pole danced in your parka.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
