Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
