Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
