So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I only lived at night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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