The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
