I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
