You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
