So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize