Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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