Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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