Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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