Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
