I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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