he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
