Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
