how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
