I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
