I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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