can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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