You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
