I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
