Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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