Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
