just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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