just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
