If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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