Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
