I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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