It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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