Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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