things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How external is "for external use only"?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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