She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
