Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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