it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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