New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
