i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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