The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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