I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pants are for mortals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
