My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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