youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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