Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
