I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Houston, we have a squirter
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
