oh god the rape fog is back!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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