OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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