So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
