awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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