You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
