No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
