Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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