according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
