I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
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