You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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