he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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