he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
