and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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