I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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