I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
