I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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