what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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