Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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