can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
