from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How does one acquire holy water?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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